I'm okay to sink

My kind of music.

yadda yadde doo

I think today was nice.

Why?

Because I ate 15 Ikea meatballs. Nyumm. A nice treat indeed.

Maybe I'm going back to uia on Tuesday.. to be precise, tomorrow. Lovely indeed. Should I join the tournament or should I not? I still haven't made up my mind and no one is helping, not even Alya. "Mashaallah budak ni, suka hati u lah. I kat cameron ni hehehehe". Siyut.

Actually my hols have been a bit boring.. which have led me to the crazy, psychotic part of me, to the point where my mum says "Diyana, penatlah aku cakap dengan kau". No one has ever said that to me except my mom and my sisters, although my sisters say it in a nicer way, "Diyana, senyaplah!", they still mean the same.

The other day I was playing with my mom's scissors in my room and when my 2nd sister saw what I was doing, she went back to her room and said "iih diyana.. takutnya.. diyana ni weird la..", because what she saw was, here comes the psychotic part, I was cutting my fingernails with the sharp n thin scissor blades. I just needed to entertain myself.

I remember when I was a kid, probably when I was 7 or 8, I used to loove biting my toenails. Yes, with my own teeth of course. I think no one knew about it cos I used to do it secretly. It was like a drug. There was always a need to bite them. Unfortunately one day I got kantoi-ed by one of our maids.

Haha. Talking about maids, today was also the day of mengemas harta2 karun. I found Kak Fitri (one of our maids. yes, Fitri. haha!)'s wedding card which dates back in 2000. My mum was fascinated ("yeh? kad kahwin dia?? ada kat Ana??") to see the card and it suddenly brought back old memories of me and Kak Fitri. She was always kinda lively, probably because she was quite young back then. I wonder how she is now. She probably has 3 kids aged between 3 to 8. Haha memandai je aku ni kan.

I found some really cool old stuff. Photos, writings, cards.. and a lot more. Not to forget, my drawings and paintings. I miss the old days. The days where I would sit in my room with the door locked, and paint or draw for hours. I don't and can't have that as often as back then now. It's kinda sad, isn't it? It's like I've lost one of the foundations of my life. I simply miss that particular part of my life, of me.

And then there are about 20 to 25 Vogue magazines that I still keep! God, help me. Where can I chuck those magazines? Buying Vogue was like an expensive drug. Do you know how much one costs? Twenty plus! Sometimes thirty plus. Crazy. Gila fashion punya pasal. I just felt the need to keep myself updated. Style.com was my favourite website. Carolyn Murphy, Jessica Stam, Carmen Kass and Isabeli Fontana were among my favourite models. Roberto Cavalli, Christopher Bailey, Oscar de la Renta, Jean Paul Gaultier, Karl Lagerfeld, Issey Miyake and Elie Saab were among my favourite designers. I was such a sucker for the world of fashion. Thank God I was not alone. There was Farinna Ford. There IS Farinna Ford. Hehe. She loooved Tom Ford much, or maybe she still does. Hehe.

Good old memories.. Those were the days.

"So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young". This is someone's shoutout on facebook and I must say, I whole-heartedly agree with him. I am scared of getting older. I always wonder what future holds for me. The most scary thoughts would be.. will I be alone or will I really be with someone? Who will I work for? Or will I work alone? Will I be a wife and a mother? Where will I live? How will I look when I reach 30 or 40 or 50? Will I still play tennis? Will I be a grandma? I'm seriously scared of all that. I really am.

I once blogged about the moving images in my head. They're like short films. Actually they're just my imaginations, and yes, I still imagine them. Sometimes they make me happy, that's why I never forget them.

The audible colours of the dimmed land most of the time spark a handful of feelings from my chest.

Gosh, I simply love that sentence.

holding on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead... what are you waiting for?

inspired by Brandon Boyd

lala

Hello peeps. I haven't been blogging lately haven't I? Actually I have but I just don't publish them. Hehe.

I can't believe that 2009 is coming to its end. Ok I know it's only the 27th of november but still, 2010 is just around the corner. And hey, I'm expected to graduate in 2011. Haih. Will I make it? I really hope I will. It would be nice to graduate with my 071 friends. I guess I'll be less involved in clubs, societies n tennis starting from next semester. 3rd year, oh my! Time does fly huh. Thinking about my future just makes me feel dizzy. I still can't imagine where I'll be in 2 years time. And I still can't decide whether to specialize in both literature n linguistics or just literature. I am SO indecisive.

It's a hot day, isn't it?

I don't wanna be a pretty girl.

I wanna be more than a pretty girl.

yumm.

:)

nowhere fast

Will I ever get to, to where it is that I am going? Will I ever follow through with what I... with what I have planned? I guess it's possible, that I have been a bit distracted and the directions for me are a lot less in demand.. in demand. Will I ever get to where I'm going? If I do will I know when I'm there..? If the wind blew me in the right direction.. Would I even care? I would.
I take a look around, it's evident the scene has changed, and there are times when I feel improved, improved upon the past, and there are times when I can't seem to understand at all. And yes it seems as though I'm going nowhere really fucking fast, nowhere fast.

Will I ever get to where I'm going? If I do will I know when I'm there..? If the wind blew me in the right direction, would I even care?
I would.
I would.
I would.